Moving Forward

After a more emotional day yesterday and with everything going on these days I decided since I had today off work that my number one priority would be taking some time to just sit and write or type or whatever to re-center and re-organize myself a bit. The thing is that these days I have so many thoughts constantly going in and out of my head despite that it seems like there’s not a lot going on my life these days.

Also on a bit more random note, I woke up to this article which made me feel a bit better because it talks about basically everything that was going on with me yesterday. Plus I chatted with AIFS friends on Facebook like my friend Jake. AND for the first time I got to FaceTime with Ms. London Lundstrum, one of my favorite people I met studying abroad, for about an hour!

http://thoughtcatalog.com/kellie-donnelly/2014/07/the-hardest-part-about-traveling-no-one-talks-about/

So today I decided to head to one of my favorite coffee shops, and spend some time with myself and with God in some reflecting time and some prayer for some guidance I guess. Which I think I’ve done a lot recently but the problem is I think I’ve done a lot of talking and not a lot of sitting and just listening. At the moment, I’m feeling a lot better about things—already feeling like just journaling out some of my thoughts is giving a sense of new direction. Which has led me to decide to write a few blog posts. 

This first one is going to be dedicated to one of the lists I wrote months ago during my last few days abroad. I posted one a while back, but this one was about the kind of individual and young woman I want to become. I’m not quite there and I’m not sure I’ll ever fully get there; but it’s what I want to strive for. And one of these in particular that I just re-read was: being someone that’s inspired as well as inspiring. So I’m not sure how inspiring I can be right now. But I think the first step is that word “inspired.” Which is a bit funny to me because I rarely think of myself as the “artsy” type; but then I get kind of constantly reminded that I am an artist. And I'm going to claim that. And I think anyone who’s read this blog or watched some of my videos or even been around me to see what an emotionally driven person (in addition to intellectually driven) I can be would agree.

So, on that note, I realized that blogging and working on my video montage and all that stuff is maybe the best thing I can be doing for myself right now. Because lately I’ve felt so uninspired when normally I feel inspired by SO many things. Even doing this right now I’m typing pretty fast and I’m actually feeling it a bit already.

Without too much  further introduction, my list of personal qualities that make up the person I’d like to be, whether they are completely new or they’re expansions on traits I feel like I’ve always had, moving forward thanks to my study abroad experience:

1.       Humble

2.       Strong

3.       Confident

4.       Someone who fully knows how beautiful she is, but doesn’t need to talk about it. People can tell she knows it, but she doesn’t need to boast about it.

5.       Someone who puts herself out there. Who introduces herself to others. Who takes initiative.

6.       Someone who creates deep relationships with others.

7.       Someone who cares about others. Who’s thoughtful. Who’d do just about anything if it meant helping someone out.

8.       Someone who does random acts of kindness.

9.       A young woman who’s comfortable and proud of her sexuality (rather than ashamed of it).

10.   Someone who doesn’t beat herself up, or others for that matter.

11.   A young woman who can say no. Who stands up for herself when enough is enough.

12.   An intellectual. Someone who’s informed about the world. Who can defend her opinions with relevant examples. Someone who has read and studied religions and texts.

13.   Someone strong in their faith.

14.   Someone who doesn’t shove her opinion in other people’s faces, but who will respond confidently to others’ questions if they arise or when conversations call for it. Someone who’s not afraid to give her opinion when she feels the need to.

15.   Someone who does her. (AIFS people will understand this reference pretty well). Who dresses how she wants. Wears makeup or doesn’t. Makes plans or stays at home.

16.   Someone who dates. Not actively seeking a relationship but keeping an eye out and not being afraid to try or give things a shot.

17.   Someone who volunteers.

18.   Someone who takes/makes time to enjoy the little things.

19.   Someone who travels.

20.   Someone who sees the best in people. Who’s not afraid of what she doesn’t know.

21.   Someone who trusts.

22.   Someone who puts all of herself into what she does.

23.   Someone inspired as well as inspiring.

24.   Someone who loves unconditionally. Who lets people be and loves them anyway (or at least doesn’t judge them).

25.   Un peu parisien en fait, ou du moins, française.