Au Revoir, Cannes

Well, I’ve officially left Cannes. Our semester abroad is over. I’m lucky enough to get to stay abroad for a few more weeks unlike many of my peers. So, I’m now sitting in a little apartment in Corsica, far removed from the goodbyes that took place two days ago. In all honesty, Cassie, Elsa, and I have all agreed that it does not feel like it’s over. We feel like we’re on another weekend trip. It just seems like soon we’ll be heading back home to Cannes again to see all of our friends and tell them all of our adventures… but we’re not.

I’m never good with goodbyes. And I know that. I know that the actual goodbyes are the hardest. But as those last few days came up I think we all pretended a bit that it wasn’t actually happening. And maybe it sounds a bit overdramatic, but the thing is, this study abroad experience has been something we’ve dreamt about and prepared for for months if not years. And it was all coming to an end. We did it. And there’s pride and joy in that. And speaking for myself, there’s nothing more I felt I needed to do. Nothing I regret. Nothing I think I missed out on. I just genuinely was so happy here. (There, I guess now.) I think for a lot of us, that was the most free we’ve ever been. Free to be whoever we wanted. To do what we wanted. It was, in a weird way, a time to play and enjoy life, which most of us, as college students, haven’t done in such a long time. So, it’s hard to let that go.

And more than that. It’s very hard to let go of the people you did it with. In four months, I made friends that I know will last a lifetime. Who know more about me than maybe even most of my friends back at home in California. Who’ve seen me at my best and worst moments here. Who’ve heard all of my stories. I’ve met people here that have changed my life. Young women that I admire and respect so much and who’ve taught me so much. People that have loved and accepted me in a way that you don’t get in normal day-to-day life. It’s not to say I’m not loved or accepted at home, because I am. Overwhelmingly so. But it’s different here.

And then there’s the place. Cannes. With the stunning blue sea that gives it it’s place on the Côte d’Azur. The little streets. The old port with one of my favorite little pubs where we sang karaoke every Wednesday night. The Suquet—probably one of my favorite streets in the world. Rue Meynadier where all the cheap shops were. And Rue d’Antibes and La Croisette and the Hôtel de Ville. The clubs. The Palais where just a few weeks ago the most fabulous people walked the red carpet. The Carlton. The islands just off the coast. All these things I sat and stared out at from the Musée de la Castre on my last night. Just me, alone. And I cried. Just looking out at this incredible little town. Seeing every which way I had walked or stumbled in my heels after long nights of walking. Seeing all the nooks and crannies of the town we’d discovered in the four months. All the places that we as a group, lived and laughed and loved. Cliché, sure. But it’s true.

That night we had almost everyone out on the beach. Just sitting and talking and laughing. Reminiscing. Pushing off the goodbyes until the morning. Enjoying each other’s company, some of us, maybe for the last time in our lives. I never wanted to leave. But eventually, needed to get some sleep said some goodbyes to AIFS friends as well as local friends (shout-out to Louie who I know read my last blog and who came that night to say goodbye!).

Then. The morning came. No matter how much we didn’t want it to. I woke up and watched the sun-rise with London, David, and Rachel. Some of my closest friends here who I wrote about in the Barcelona trip—our first weekend trip. We had bonded so much and traveled so many places together. And again, I expected us to wake up early and sit on the beach and cry. I didn’t feel the need to.

But then, I came back to my room. My roommate Sky had already left at 5 AM. I will see her at Chapman in a few months so that wasn’t too hard. I began to pack the rest of my things and broke down. I know London was doing the same in the room next to me. We ended up talking and crying together as the time we would have together began to really wind down. From there, the waterworks pretty much didn’t end. I saw a big group of people off, including London and Margaret. And we just bawled and kept hugging until the cars actually drove away. Me and Rachel especially. It’s one thing to leave your family and friends at home and cry and say “see you in 4 and a half months…” but entirely different when people who you see every day and are so close to are leaving, and you really don’t know when you’ll see them, even if you plan to.

I was the next group to leave. So I shared lots of sad hugs. Cried more. Got my deposit back for my key. Then, we walked under the archway of the college waving a last goodbye and left. Simple as that. But it felt very surreal. And it still hasn’t fully hit me that I’m not going back.

And now, multiple bus rides, a confusing ferry ride, a crazy taxi-ish ride to an apartment with no wifi, and 2 days in Corsica later, here I am.

I’m sure I’ll have more final thoughts after reflecting a bit more. But all I can say for now, is despite how hard it was to say goodbye, I think it just goes to show what an incredible experience I had. I’m sad to say goodbye. But I think part of all of the tears was an overwhelming happiness that it happened. The experience was worth whatever sadness or culture shock is to come a thousand times over. I think my roommate Grace said it best that most of us, I think, found what we were looking for here. I know I did.

And now I get to adventure for a few more weeks!! So I’m loving Corsica and excited for what will come out of the next few weeks. The chapter is closed on Cannes for now in some ways, but now I get to be in another different but equally exciting time of my life.